shit's kinda hit the fan...in a very non shit hitting the fan kinda way. nothing bad happened...really...but i've just been short with myself lately. people are bothering me. i'm bothering myself. like right now...just typing this up...im about in tears im so fucking pissed off. it sucks. i just want to run. and i hate running. i want to do something that i can relieve some stress and move on from this shit.
things are changing drastically in the next couple of weeks and it scares the shit out of me. im going to be losing one of my best friends...the windy city is gonna take him away! :( but i'll be alright cuz i'll have my girl. :) she always makes me happy. so thats good.
im scared. im scared of the way things will happen. im scared things are going to change for the worst...and i'll be stuck having to fucking deal with them in a whole new way...in a whole new place...with whole new people. im NOT looking forward to that. but i am looking forward to being on my own, setting my own rules, doing what i want instead of what mom and dad want. i'm ready to become the adult that i've been for the past 2 legal years. it's annoying. it all goes back to me being annoyed lately.
im sorry to everyone i've pissed off, upset, scared, annoyed, hurt...but know i've been doing the same things to myself because of it. shit happens and i dont control myself. i let the dark side of me come through and i dont give a shit about fuck. it just gets to me and i lose it.
im just venting...sorry if it doesnt make sense. more or less...this is for me..not for readers. if i ask you for help...for some advice...dont be an ass. its hard for me to ask people for advice...so if i do...take that to heart and know that i'm reaching out to the people that are close to me. i dont want it to get bad enough that i pull a heath ledger. (is it still too soon?!?!)
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