how fast...

"...so we'll blame it on learning. it gets harder with time. but even with distance, i know that true love will survive..."


i'm not real sure where to begin, or how for that matter. but all i do know, is this sucks. knowing that you're going to be losing someone close is hard to take. you dont know HOW to take it actually, at least i dont. im not talking about death...im talking about someone that you hold really close, someone close to your heart, just decides to walk out one day. when this happens, i sit back and think to myself, "what the fuck did you do this time? how could you fuck up something this great? you've lost something great dude. congrats on fucking up. again." thats the ONLY thing going through my head. am i being too hard on myself? nah. i deserve it. things get good in my life and i take complete advantage of it. and i've come to realize it. my life is SHIT right now. complete.

babe, i've fucked up. i know i have. i took advantage of you and i can now see that. what sucks about the whole situation is you not once opened up and told me these things that bothered you, and you know thats what i wanted. unfortunately, i can't read your mind and know exactly what you're thinking so the things that i was doing that bothered you wnt unchanged and i made things 10 times worse. there's not a whole lot i can do at this point except apologize and apologize some more. if there i ANYTHING i could do to help this situation, i hope you know that i would. if i could change how often we'd see each other, i totally would. i'd absolutely LOVE to spend every day with you, just laying around, going out to eat, doing whatever we wanted to. any chance that we have to spend together, we should. there's not one other person that i could spend every day with...you're the only person taht holds that spot. there's no one else that deserves my time either. you've put up with sooo much of my shit, and i thank you for that. and now that i truly know how you feel, i want to show you that i'm not just using you, walking all over you. i can never get enough of you and looking back, its funny to me to see that i wasn't spending the maximum amount of time with you...and thats crazy to me...and i cant believe that i did that. just simply knowing what you want, makes me soooo happy. when you don't express your feeling, your emotions, the things you WANT, i can't make you happy...and thats my only goal. i just want you to be happy regardless of what sacrifices i'll have to make. i HATE that you're second guessing us. i really do. i hate that im causing this pain for you...that im the reason you're upset. i never meant to cause you pain and make you upset...put you through this bullshit. no one deserves to go through this, especially an amazing girl like yourself.

it even pains me to think of going to a whole new place without having that "security blanket" back home that i can rely on. with you in my life, i can go venture off to a new school and regardless of how shitty it is, i'll have you to rely on. i want you to be that person that i can come crawling back to and know that you're there for me. with your doubts of how things will work out, and being afraid of getting hurt, i cant do it. i need you. i need you now more than ever. yeah, i'll meet new people, but there's no doubt on my mind that you'll be the only thing im thinking of. you're my girl, and i plan on doing everything i can to keep it that way. i have such awesome thoughts and ideas for us in the future...and to think that it could all be coming to an end, it hurts. it hurts really bad.

im asking you, im begging you...on both knees, to please forgive me. i know i've fucked up and i've realized that. sucks that i couldnt figure it out on my own, but i'm still learning how to read you. i've gotten better, but it's still not good enough. like i said, im truly sorry for the pain and suffering i've put you through. i can only hope that the feelings we've expressed for each other is real and true.

"things have been getting kind of heavy these days. trying to figure out which road to take. there's many decisions to be made. and the only time i feel ok, is when i'm in your arms..."